Super belated winter tour-blog 2011

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Super belated winter tour-blog 2011

giant pink van snake AKA Snakey, tries to strangle Dre, He was only trying to be affectionate, he doesnt know any better and means well

Me and Dre right before the pyrotechnics and back up acrobatic live sex show dancers come out

one of the better backstage testicle cartoons ive seen in a while, great use of the door stopper, sooooo realistic

giraffe/mouse creature and custom made pineapple head man(courtesy of Dre) that hangs from the rearview mirror. Usually creates good vibes and the girouse actually is very intelligent especially when you’ve driven over 6 hours. We got pulled over somewhere in the midwest because of these rearview danglers. We then had to wait as they called for backup and drug sniffing dogs(im not kidding). The patrol man was actually the nicest cop i had ever been pulled over by. No Drugs were found. No creature danglers were harmed.

Southgate House in Newport Kentucky. Awesome venue!!!! A two story home built around 1812 by British prisoners of war, super cool

last day of tour somewhere in Jersey, Chad(TWLOHA), Garrett and Jon from Atl/Pac, Dre, and me

ive been home for two weeks but have yet to write a single thing about the tour so here it goes. I’m the worst at collecting memories, i never take pictures or videos but ive managed to collect a bunch from everyone else that came along this time and ill attach with this. The tour began when the east coast/midwest was getting pounded with blizzard after blizzard. I had to shovel my van out of a mountain of snow pushed aside by the street clearing plows of Brooklyn. A task that looked way easier in the planning stages. Out of breath and swiping a mile of runny snot across my sleeve i managed to complete the mission. First two shows were a success philly and NYC. Unfortunately CT had to be canceled because of the snow(its rescheduled for this week)

next up was Grantham University somewhere hidden in PA. Definitely one of the best college shows i’ve played in sometime, we were treated well by staff and students that attended. I drank an enormous smoothie there that was packed with sugary syrupy frozen fruit guts, it left me jittery/hyperactive and more akward then usual(if at all possible). I ran up the walls ‘inception’ style and scaled the ceiling like spiderman. I then sang in a frog like operatic tone reaching record and glass-breaking high pitch notes. Peoples ears bled in extasy and iphones shattered in misery. Vulvas swelled, nipples pricked up, thighs jiggled, balls vibrated. the usual.

Cleveland- i received some oil blotting paper sheets. perfect for when my big jewish/globule nose starts to shine and fans in the audience are blinded by the glimmer (this is at its worst when my massive laser/light show is happening, and even worse during the pyrotechnics) Though the glimmer came in handy during our encore when i shot 72 bottle rockets out of my nostrils simultaneously while standing on my head. Either way OH was a good time. Chicago was a favorite spot on the tour for sure. I thought Brooklyn got hit hard by snow until we entered Chicago. Great show, great, crowd. I told the audience a story of wooly mammoth fans from the ice age or something having to do withe these creatures (cant remember). Minneapolis was cool, Buckcherry was playing the bigger room next-door. Affliction/Tap-out douche fest, so many meat head mongloids with lip rings in one area to deal with but very entertaining to observe.

Worst part of the tour was up next a three day drive from Minneapolis to Portalnd in the middle of a blizzard. We passed a ton of flipped cars and trucks and various other accidents. I drove as slow as possible with poooooooooor visibility. couldnt see anything, and the snow on the highway was constantly moving from the wind creating smoky clouds that looked like worms or smoke monsters from LOST. Couldnt see where the lanes ended and if a big truck passed us at high speeds we were completely blinded in their wake by huge dirt/snow clouds. We made it out alive luckily, but the drive across Montana was scary. To say the least we were very happy to get to the west coast. Didn’t have time in Portland to get any stumptown coffee this time which was upsetting but the venue we played (The Woods) was really cool. Its an old funeral parlor in this super classic little building built in the 1930’s. Seattle is a great city and its always cool being there.

In San Francisco we did a day time all ages show and a 21plus at night. Both were great. Los Angeles was real good. We swapped openers Mansions for Atlantic/Pacific on this date. Played at the Echo in Echo park, which is where i recorded Devils made a new friend at Blake Sennett’s studio (memories). Then drove south to San Diego i pricelined a really weird 4 star hotel. It was super nice but in a grandma kinda way floral patterns everywhere, wall to wall pink(perfect for valentines day i suppose, but more laughable then anything) Sea shell shaped soaps and granny crevace perfume aromas lurking everywhere. Two things can make or break any hotel though, thats shower pressure and bathroom products both which were of very high quality here. Oh and then we played a show at bar bink. I ate at some local grown/organic/grass fed, anti biotical, culturagated, disectamating, douche factory across the street. Tasty yet led to a nuclear meltdown in my undies later that night. TMI, LOL, ROFJENPAIDJNFPAND{GKJ, TIT,

Started heading back east after SD. Priceline scored again when we landed a four star marriot for 5cents a night. After a long ass drive with shitty gas station food (blarbys, taco hell, dehydrated porknutball unbeef sticks) we entered our pleasure dome hotel. An employee of the hotel walked into the lobby holding a tray of delicious giant cookies. we surrounded the poor women like vultures or zombies on live flesh only to find out the cookies were for an event happening elsewhere. Felt like starving white trash priceline musician imports. We then played a show, i played some THT songs while thinking about doing laundry. I played some newer songs and got excited. I spoke to many sweet super cool fans. Heading into Texas played 27 different locations. In San Antonio while getting ready to head back to the hotel we were approached by the most insane methed out pizza delivery guy on the planet. He had an inverted mohawk, massive dialated black pupils and was intensely grinding his decaying teeth, all the while in the best mood of his life offering us pizzas at five bucks a piece. I’m not exaggerating this incident, he was for real. Dallas, Austin, Houston and San Antonio were amazing.

Finished the tour with Newport KY, Fayetville Arkansas, St. Louis, Kansas, and Pittsburgh. SO happy to have seen all the old supporters come out as well as a slew of new ones. Loved having Dre along playing violin and singing, Chad from TWLOHA was awesome as well. Mansions and Atlantic/Pacific were great. the end